4 Ways to Help Your Child in Times of Crisis - COVID-19 Edition

As adults, we are having a wide range of reactions to the “shelter-in-place” order currently across much of the country. We may be anxious, tired, frustrated, and ready to resume life as usual. And our children are feeling much of the same.

Unlike adults who are able to name their emotions, children typically act these out. This may take the appearance of tantrums (screaming, arguing, and crying, oh my!). Children who had resolved their sleep or toileting may suddenly be waking up at night, having nightmares, or having accidents. That routine your family had finally settled into is nowhere to be found. Your children have been thrown into upheaval, and your family and sanity along with them.

Research on past crises tells us that the most important factor in helping our children through these times is the relationship with a caring and supportive adult. But this is an incredible challenge, at a time where our resources may be depleted. Working from home, facilitating e-learning, and keeping our families healthy requires time and patience like we may never have had to demonstrate.

By focusing in on the meaning underlying our children’s challenging behaviors, we can reframe them and allow ourselves to recognize it not as a manipulation or willful acting out, but rather as a call for help. If we miss this call, the behaviors will just continue to escalate. However, if we recognize and respond to these calls, we can help our children (and our families) weather this storm.

1. Hear that there is a problem
When our children are acting out, it is important to recognize that this is a signal to you that they are feeling unsettled. Rather than jumping to “discipline” them, focus on the fact that they are asking for your help (perhaps in a less than endearing manner). This is when our child needs us the most.

2. Empathize with your child
Listen to your child, validating their feelings. Their sadness, anxiety, anger, and frustration are as real as yours. Rather than trying to make them feel better or talk them out of their feelings, accept and be present with them. We can help by naming their emotions, and connecting with them in a way that feels safe to your child.

3. Lead confidently
Even, or perhaps especially, in times of great stress and upheaval, we need to maintain our routines and boundaries as children need this structure in order to feel safe. There are still limits that we must uphold for the health and safety of our child, and the wellbeing of our family. At the same time, we want to provide children with as many opportunities to make choices and feel a sense of agency as possible. By giving them choices and respecting their wishes, we can help them feel a sense of control in a time where they may feel they have none.

4. Patience, patience, patience!
Unfortunately, this is going to take time. Our world looks and feels very different, and that can be unsettling for everyone. Our goal is to communicate that we welcome all of our child’s feelings, even when we must set limits on certain behaviors. We can expect that as long as we are feeling stressed, anxious, and frustrated, so are our children.


This is a crisis like our generation has never seen. While it feels that we are in unprecedented territory, the same general principles with which we have approached our children’s difficulties in the past can still apply.

We can help our children to maintain their sense of security and happiness, even when so much feels uncertain and challenging. By focusing on the relationship and recognizing that these difficult behaviors are your child’s way of letting you know that they are struggling, you can respond to the underlying pain and provide support your child needs. This love and care will enable your child to feel safe and secure, and emerge from this time with increased confidence and resilience.

Dr. Andrea Lieberman is a clinical psychologist, who provides parenting support in Illinois and Florida. You can learn more about her work at www.drandrealieberman.com/parent-guidance.